Listen to Adoptees

We've all seen the adoptive parent blogs. The stories differ slightly but have a common theme. Infertility. Had all boys but wanted a girl and vice versa. God called them to adopt. The stories talk about the process, the wait, the toll it takes on them.  We hear about their joy when they finally receive a child.  We rarely hear the adoptees story from their perspective.  We hear from their adoptive parents about how grateful they are. We hear friends and adoptive relatives say they know adoptees who are happy/grateful and thankful that they are adopted. They speak for adoptees and say that they feel that the people who raised them are their real families and they have no interest in searching. People feel very confident speaking for adoptees. I used to let them. I am an adoptee. I grew up letting people tell me and others how I felt about being adopted. I was a people pleaser. I didn't want to seem ungrateful. I wanted to be who they wanted me to be. I stuffed down my feelings of grief and abandonment.  I struggled with my identity by myself. I didn't talk about how it made me feel to see the word "adopted" next to my birth date on my adoptive family tree.  That was the day I was born, not the day I was adopted. Four months passed between those dates. Four months that I know nothing about. There are no photos of me as a newborn. I didn't know my birth story.

Adoptees have stories that began before they were adopted. Those stories need to be heard. Adoption may have saved them, or it may have hurt them or even both. Their stories need to be heard. Adoption is complicated. Adoption is different things to different people. Adoption is not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Adoptee voices need to be heard.

Listen to adoptees.